What is there to explain? A Lu Bu made out of ice is fighting the forces of Neptune who use Cheetoh-based weaponry, all on a shattered island because of Kony.
I know, right?
It’s like “The Floor Is Lava” except “The Shirt is a kind of lava that allows Cheetoh stains to be hidden very well.” Or “This Dynasty Warriors guy is so awesome that he just blew up all of East Asia, and is now coming for YOUR SHIT.”
Either way, it’s horrifying.
Oh hey, another Drag… wait, is this supposed to not be Goku? Because that’s like, 90% Goku. But then you realize… it’s Goku after his doomed science experiment involving instant transportation while Lion-O from the Thundercats was in the very same pod, unknowingly fusing their DNA! Also, a juggalo was in the pod. And kind of Ronald McDonald? And a bottle of suncreen. And an old guy. All of these fused into making a really goofy Goku old man with animal feet and a penchant for MC Hammer pants.
Also, you get a choice of “Cornea-Scorching Blue” and “Argh, my retinas Red!”
Ninja. Fabled shadow warriors of an age gone by — or so you thought! They are, in fact, carrying on a secret society on the front of hawaiian shirts to this very day.
Nothing says sneaky like having a glowing white aura. The other guy behind him, with his turned off? He gets it. He sees Kenji up there in front, showing off. He isn’t having any of it.
The background pattern is “Neptune Gas Rings” Blue.
I can’t be the only one who sees this and thinks, “Whoa, someone finally made a shirt that fulfills my two greatest desires for a shirt: Robo-Warriors and the planet Jupiter?” Even comes with the Big Red Textfield.
Wait, is he a robo-warrior? No, those are belts. Lots and lots of belts. Maybe he’s the King of Jupiter, welcoming you to wear his planet’s official shirt. ”Come, let me get you several belts for your legs. No, you won’t be cold at all without pants! We also have giant loincloths!”
Don’t believe the King of Jupiter’s lies about no pants.
Not every one of these has written and expressed consent from the Anime company to exist. The vast majority are essentially knock-offs of these series forced through a big machine that, through the power of science and probably a blind guy, turns them even worse somehow.
Take for instance this shirt. What exactly is going on here? It’s like a Georgia O’Keefe painting, if she painted jumping Samurai(-Ninja-robots?) who were having a bad hair day, wielding silicon baking stirrers, leaping over the eternal enemy of the Samurai — a giant block of text which probably says “Get a load of this guy, right? Right?”
And let’s not even notice the faux-tiger-fur collar.
I think this is actually a baseball jersey — but really, a large, in-charge and garish button-down is an awful anime hawaiian shirt in spirit. Like brothers in the “Why are you doing this, is it a dare?” tree.
Who doesn’t want half of the DBZ team peeking out of your pants if you tuck it in like a jersey?
Remember, you can only gain true power if you also have a katana with the AAHS. Through the shirt’s power, you can focus your chi and it will transfer directly through the polyester into the hilt — meaning now you can slice through anything! If anything is “your hot pocket” or “the last vestiges of your dignity.”
